MASPEAK MAGAZINE REWARDS ABSOLUTE KNOWLEDGE IN EVERYTHING, EVER

Maspeak Blogger — Wed, 28 Jun 2006 21:05:00 GMT

After years of wallowing in complete obscurity, Assouline’s intellectual legacy finally acknowledged.

Maspeak Magazine is proud to announce the creation of the Rüdiger Van Wallenberg Chair in Absolute Knowledge of Everything Ever (RVWCAKEE).

This prestigious prize of intellectual distinction commemorates the lasting legacy of the man who has exerted the greatest and most powerful influence in the history of human thought, ever: Rüdiger Van Wallenberg.

Born in 1542 in the small Dutch town of Sløterdïjk, this man, who never spoke a word nor wrote a single line in his life, symbolized man’s undying quest for absolute knowledge. He died in complete anonymity, in the same small Dutch town of Sløterdïjk in 1809.

So seminal is his thought to all of humanity’s endeavors that to this day, he remains an insignificant detail in the waste bin of history. In fact, there is no proof that he ever actually existed.

“His thought was so profound and so essential to everything, ever, that it could not be reduced to mere human words and grammar,” says noted Wallenberg scholar Frederick J. Pinto, co-author with David O. Azerrad of The Complete Influence of Wallenberg on Everything, Ever, in 19 Volumes (Harvard University Press, forthcoming). “We are all indebted to his monumental insights into the human condition, and everything else for that matter, forever and ever and ever.”

The first recipient of this distinguished Chair embodies Van Wallenberg’s unprecedented synthesis of intellectual self-effacement and absolute wisdom. Nobody carries this legacy as admirably as Philippe R. Assouline, B. Sc. (McGill).

Like a true Wallenbergerian, Assouline refused to issue any comments upon learning of this great honor. “…,” said Assouline, “…”

To be considered for the RVWCAKEE, potential applicants must send an empty e-mail to vanwallenberg@absolutetruth.world.

Please be advised, only absolutely empty e-mails from completely unknown people will be considered. <